Today, I share some of the JOY I have received from the steps in my life—stepparents, stepchildren, and stepsiblings. Stepfamilies are unfamiliar to some, but, since the age of three, I have been a part of a blended family.

I grew up with a stepdad, stepmom, stepsisters, stepbrother, and grandparents who were not blood related. Now, I am a stepparent. Among other things, these unique people have brought me JOY, trouble, love, and discomfort. They have left me happy and sad, sometimes at the same time. I have learned to be the person I am today because of the people in my life—including my steps.

The experiences of my stepdad’s children were not positive. However, these four individuals educated me. Through their sloppy habits, they taught me how important it is to keep my body and home clean. More importantly, when they used foul language and acted mean to others, they showed me the importance of keeping a pure mind. Their sneaky ways formed me into the honest person I am today. Through the heartaches and tears they caused in the household, I felt encouraged to love and accept each member of my family for their uniqueness.

My stepdaughter celebrates her birthday today. Granted, I was not the woman who gave birth to her so many years ago, but I secretly thanked her mother for bringing her into the world. You see, a few days after her ninth birthday, she came into my life. I believe I understand her almost as well as I know the children I carried and birthed. It doesn’t matter to me that I did not carry her for nine months—she is my daughter and I love her.

As the mom of the house, I had the privilege of giving her a bit of myself. I treated her as my own. I instructed, loved, scolded, cared, laughed, hugged, and became her friend. With her sensitivity and caring heart, she made a difference in my life.

For more than thirty years, I’ve tried to be there when she needed me, without overstepping my boundaries. I remember telling her, from the very beginning, that she had a mom and I did not want to take her place. I reminded her I was the mom of the house and hoped to be her friend.

There have been difficult times. We had many days of frustration. I am sure there were days she didn’t like me. What I quickly realized, however, is that there were times of frustration and difficulties with the children I brought into this world, as well. It’s easy to categorize and blame the most likely culprit, the stepparent or stepchild. Steps make great scapegoats. I, however, will not go there. Just because she’s my stepdaughter doesn’t make me love her any less.

How was I able to be a stepparent who cares, loves, and protects one who is not my natural born child? How does anyone love another person’s child? A lot of it is determination, need, and a decision.

My stepmother was a beautiful example of how to be a loving, kind stepparent. Although I only spent a few weeks each summer with my dad and stepmom, she opened her heart to me. She accepted me for me. To this day, my second mom blesses me. What a JOY she is in my life. I thank God for this special woman. I will always love and appreciate her.

Because of the people I’ve spent time with and the trials I have been through, my life is full of blessings. When my husband and I joined our families together thirty-two years ago, we became a blended family. My two children and I moved in with him and his daughter. Two years later, our daughter was born, making us a clan of six.

In my mind and heart, there was only one way to look at us—we were a family, period. Sometimes one child might have felt singled out, picked on, or ignored. I recognized the signs, since I grew up in a blended family. My husband’s and my family was a blended unit of people who shared experiences. Fun, growth, nurturing, love, and closeness filled our house with JOY. We were, and still are, a family. Ours was like any other group of humans living under the same roof—the good and bad melded together. That’s what happens in a family.

A few weeks ago, we took family pictures at the lakes by my home. I was a proud mom when everyone showed for the photo shoot. As I viewed the proofs, I couldn’t wipe the JOYous smile from my face. Our four loving children have given us ten grandchildren (grands). Six granddaughters and four grandsons fill my husband and me with JOY. Seeing their sweet faces in the photos brought tears to my eyes.

So are they grands or stepgrands? I made a rule a long time ago, and it’s near and dear to my heart. The rule goes something like this: Thou shalt not love one grandchild more than another—even if the child isn’t a blood relative. You see, I love each one of my ten grandchildren unconditionally. Only three have my blood—but all ten have my heart. And, my munchkins, it will stay that way forever and a day.

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May you find JOY in your family and treasure each moment you have together.

Happy Birthday, Dawn. May you be blessed with JOY and happiness, today and always, honey.